Kindle MatchBook

Amazon has recently introduced a new program called "Kindle MatchBook." Essentially, if you have purchased a new copy of any of literally thousands of books that are sold on Amazon, you will be able to obtain a discounted copy of the Kindle edition of the same book for $2.99 or less.

So why am I writing about this? Because I've decided that The Complete Bubby Anthology will be participating in this program. All you have to do is purchase a paperback copy of the book now (which is currently discounted). Then, when the MatchBook program begins in October 2013, you will be able to purchase the Kindle edition for a mere 99 cents.

That's right - only $0.99. I'm knocking two dollars off what mainstream publishers will likely charge you. Why? Because you bought my book - which means I like you.

"Why Did She Have to Die?"

As you may recall, several months ago I expressed my desire to be a guest on a Star Wars podcast. Preferably Rebel Force Radio or Full of Sith. I would also accept an invitation from ForceCast, but they haven't been the same since their previous hosts left to start Rebel Force Radio.

Alas, the more I listen to these podcasts, the more I realize their guests are generally well-known for something. I however, am not well-known - I would have to sell way more books in order for that to happen. Since part of my plan to sell more books is to go on a podcast to drum up support, you can see where the cycle leaves me.

Since my book is not selling, the next best move is prove to them how great a Star Wars conversationalist I would be on their show. So, without further ado, I present: "Why Did She Have to Die?: The Real Reason Padmé Kicked the Force-Bucket."

First off - SPOILER ALERT! Anakin is Darth Vader. His wife, Padmé, dies in Episode III. Okay, now on to the lesson (prepare to have your minds blown!).

The common belief is that Padmé died of a broken heart. Why? Well, probably because that is what the script says. However, this strikes people as being a little lame. However, because of my love for Star Wars, I was willing to accept the premise, since George Lucas is known for his love of cheesy, old-style movies where a broken heart really could kill you. However, it turns out that a broken heart actually can kill you, according to WebMD.

"Obi-Wan, I looked it up on WedMD... I can die of a broken heart."

Nevertheless, the common argument against Padmé dying this way is that she had her children to live for. People also note that she tells Obi-Wan that there is "still good in him," in reference to Anakin. If she really believed this, then why would she give up? Why would a powerful woman - a queen and a senator, no less - just give up?

Why? I'll tell you why. And it is exactly because she is such an amazing, powerful, and caring woman. Padmé knew Anakin was having nightmares about her dying in childbirth. She knew he was obsessed with saving her. She knew of the horrific things he did in order to save her. She must have believed that the only way to stop him would be for her to no longer be alive for him to save. Her life in public service taught her to "fall on her own sword," as it were, to serve the greater good.

Her hope was that the good within Anakin would cause him to repent of the dark side that controlled him. Thus she told Obi-Wan that there was good in Anakin. She hoped he could help Anakin see reason now that Padmé would be out of the equation (obviously she was probably not told about how Obi-Wan left Anakin for dead on Mustafar - which seemed to put a bit of a damper on their relationship).

"Gee, Anakin, are you still bitter about me leaving you on Mustafar?"

As for her newborn children, Padmé seemed to be counting on the good inside Anakin to turn him back to the light side and care for their newborn children. She also had good reason to believe that Anakin would not be punished for his crimes since the corruption in the government provided numerous loopholes for criminals to escape jail time. In the worst case scenario, Anakin could plead insanity and serve a few months in Coruscant's psychiatirc hospital.

In summary, Padmé should be hailed for the heroic effort to save the galaxy, rather than being called a sissy for dying of a broken heart - even though her plan didn't quite work out the way she might have hoped.

So, is your mind blown yet? If so, pass on the word - B. P. Draper should be a guest on a Star Wars podcast.

Not convinced yet? Fine, I'll write some more mind-blowing content in the future.

Weird Math

Well, there isn't a lot to talk about. I am still working on my drawings for my upcoming children's book. I'm still hoping Amazon.com will recognize that Bubby I - Wanted: A Hero like None Other should be listed for free.

So, in the mean time, check out the best score I've ever achieved in ten rounds of Minesweeper.

Do you like how winning 7 out of 10 is equal to a 69% success rate? My elementary school teachers would have cried themselves to sleep if I gave that sort of answer on a test.

Is B. P. Draper Actually J. K. Rowling?

We recently learned that J. K. Rowling is actually the author known as Robert Galbraith. It seems that she used a pen name and fooled us all. What an amazingly clever woman! She could be anyone. For all we know she could be B. P. Draper.

Now you maybe wondering, "How will we ever know for sure?" Well, I'm going to tell you how you can find out.

Step one: Buy a copy of The Complete Bubby Anthology.

Step Two: Encourage your friends to buy a copy of The Complete Bubby Anthology.

Step Three: Encourage your friends to encourage their friends to buy a copy of The Complete Bubby Anthology.

Step Four: Once everyone has bought a copy (ideally over one million copies sold), everyone should read the book.

Step Five: I will finally reveal the truth as to whether I am actually J. K. Rowling.*

* Just in case any of J. K. Rowling's lawyers are reading this, I am not actually claiming to be J. K. Rowling. However, if she would like to claim to have been writing under the pen name of B. P. Draper, I wouldn't complain about the extra book sales.

What Do Camels Have To Do With It?

Did you know that you can save money on a paperback copy of The Complete Bubby Anthology? At this very moment Amazon.com has dropped the price from $10.99 to only $9.83.

According to camelcamelcamel.com (I'm not really sure what camels have to do with price tracking) the book has been discounted since May 22, 2013 at 10:41 PM. I have no idea how long this price drop will last, as I have no control over it - though I assume my royalties will still be the same.

Anyway, if you've been holding out, hoping to save a bundle, here is your chance.

Concept Art

If you've read The Complete Bubby Anthology as thoroughly as I think you have - which is pretty thoroughly - you've been hanging on the words in the "About the Author" page. Specifically the sentence that reads, "In his spare time he watches Star Wars and Tron and makes up funny bedtime stories for his children (some of which will likely be published one day soon)."

You may be wondering why, after a year, no word has reached your ear of a children's book being published. Well, I'll tell you why - because I'm a lousy artist. Nevertheless, I have managed to "draw" a main character for the first story I plan to release. Here he is:

Let's be honest, my skill with computer imaging is not the greatest - but I'm the only employee I've got. Nevertheless, I plan to persevere to complete this story, even if it pains me to see my drawings.

However, if any one of you would be willing to receive zero compensation for your artistic talents (other than a name credit on the book), let me know. Maybe we can work out a deal - specifically one where I get 100% of the royalties and you get your name out there for other people to want to hire you in the future. When you think about it, it really is a win-win situation.

The Tax Man Cometh

With tax day coming around, you're probably trying to identify any charitable donations that you can cite to lower your taxable income. Thus, you may be looking into buying hundreds of copies of The Complete Bubby Anthology to see if spending that kind of money could qualify you for a tax break.

Now, to be completely honest, it is too late to get any more charitable donations, as the tax year ended on December 31st.

Also, a purchase of The Complete Bubby Anthology does not actually qualify as a charitable donation and you could be arrested for trying to convince the IRS that it should count.

However, you are still welcome to purchase hundreds, or even thousands, of copies to see if it gives you the happy feeling that comes from being involved in charitable giving. If it doesn't make you feel any better, try buying more copies... maybe that will do the trick. Probably not... but you'll never know unless you try.