Friday, September 20, 2013

"Human I Am"

As part of my continued efforts to nab a spot on a Star Wars podcast (see this and this), I have begun writing my thoughts on that universe to show those podcast hosts that I would be a great Star Wars conversationalist.

Full Disclosure: This idea was originally proposed on an episode of Rebel Force Radio (though I cannot recall which one).

So, without further ado, I present to you: "Human I Am: The Truth Behind Yoda's Species."

One of the mysteries of the Star Wars universe has to do with Yoda's species. For one thing - we don't know what it is. That is to say, George Lucas won't tell us and won't allow authors to explore the idea. Which leaves us fans in the lurch. Amazingly, the answer has been in front of us the whole time.

In Episode VI - Return of the Jedi, Yoda tells Luke, "When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not." In other words, Yoda is explaining to Luke that this is what really, really old humans look like.
"Teach you how to become super handsome as an old man, I will."
"But humans can't live to be 900 years old!" you say? That may to true of us commoners, but Yoda has the force on his side. When it comes to his imminent death, at which time Luke tells Yoda he can't die, Yoda explains, "Strong am I with the Force, but not that strong." In other words, Yoda is explaining that he has kept himself alive this long through using the force, but he cannot stave off death forever.

"But humans aren't green!" you say? Well, maybe not you and I, but have you ever noticed how the hair of some elderly individuals turns blue? Who are we to say that our skin can't turn green as we age?
"Look better as a green man, I do. Prefer me that way, the ladies do."
"But humans aren't that small!" you say? Well, there are two arguments for this issue. First: he could be a dwarf (otherwise referred to as "little person," "midget," or "person of restricted growth"). However, if you don't feel Yoda is affected by dwarfism, there is a second case to be made for his height: we humans tend to shrink as we age. After 900 years, wouldn't it be logical to assume we would grow closer to his diminutive size?
The eight life stages of man... skipping forward about 800 years between the seventh and eighth.
Finally, as an added bonus, consider Yoda's language. Researchers have found that original human language sounded a lot like how Yoda speaks. Odds are, Yoda lived through the transition to modern speaking styles, but just preferred to kick it old-school.

Impressed yet? Then shoot a message to the fine folks over at Rebel Force Radio, Full of Sith, or any other Star Wars podcast and tell them they should have B. P. Draper on as a guest.

Not impressed? Well, just wait until some point in the future when we explore the implications of Yoda's humanity (which will probably not be published until April Fools Day, since I don't really believe the argument I will be making).

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