So Your Candidate Won/Lost...

Depending on your feelings about the outcome of last night's election, I have prepared one of three personalized messages for you.*

Democrats:

Congratulations, President Obama has won re-election. I'm sure you're overjoyed to know that your health care coverage will be taken care of for the remainder of your days. Hey, since we're sliding towards a Communist society any way, and you won't be needing to work anymore, why don't you buy a copy of The Complete Bubby Anthology to read while you're sitting around your house eating bon-bons and collecting welfare checks?

Republicans:

It must have been very sad when you first heard the news that Governor Romney was unable to carry the necessary swing states to win the election. Fortunately, you're all rich, so you can afford to wipe away your tears with the $100 bills you use as tissue paper. Hey, since you're throwing away money anyway, why don't you buy a copy of The Complete Bubby Anthology? You don't even have to read it, you can just document it as some sort of charitable deduction on your 2012 tax forms.**

Undecided Voters:

You must be taking a lot of flak for having still not made up your minds about which candidate to vote for. Sorry, that must be difficult to deal with. Hey, while you're having difficulty making decisions, why don't you buy a copy of The Complete Bubby Anthology - it isn't as if you can make up your mind not to.

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*Yes, I am joking when I stereotype the three groups. No, these stereotypes are not really how I feel about each of these groups. And, no, I don't know why I find that perpetuating stereotypes is funny. In fact, it's not. Never mind.

**A purchase of The Complete Bubby Anthology is not actually tax deductible.